The Evolving Role of the Sports Parent
Do you ever wonder what happened to your children over the past couple of years? I know I do. Please, do not misunderstand. Everything is fine. They are growing stronger and wiser every day. At the same time, reality hits. These guys that we used to haul from practice to practice, from one game or meet to the next, long days, nights and weekends will soon be facing all these challenges mostly on their own. I'm pretty sure you are wondering where the nostalgia comes from. Fair enough.
Every day I receive a picture notification of what we did or where we were on that specific day throughout their short lives. Every day I am reminded of the blessings and the privilege bestowed upon us to care for, nurture, and develop our children into, not only the best possible athletes they might be capable of being but into decent and prosperous human beings. It fills me with joy and satisfaction, not to mention drive and motivation, to serve as witness to their accomplishments as well as serve as their source of support and encouragement. It is often said that our children are a reflection of ourselves, and I see that in my sons every day.
To this effect, as I pondered and relived those precious moments in their athletic lives, came the realization that I was not alone in witnessing our children’s struggles and success. I know, as well as you more than likely know or have experienced as a parent of child athletes, that there is an increasing amount of pressure placed on them, especially when they are high performers. The expectations are high both from us and from themselves, not to mention their peers. It is here where I found myself internalizing if I have done everything I could to help them move forward and succeed; especially on the days when their “results” were not their best. Through this internal dialogue and analysis, I realized that there were some instances where we forgot that they were simply children at play. They were simply doing what they loved; or were they? I wonder if their internal monologue sounded something like this:
“Remember those days when Mom and Dad were always rushing us around? From soccer practice to piano lessons, it felt like we were always on the go. And don’t even get me started on the weekend tournaments! Now, things are starting to change. We’re getting older, and we’re starting to make our own decisions. Sometimes it’s exciting, but other times it’s kind of scary. We’re not sure if we’re ready to handle everything on our own.”
Were they doing what they loved or were they simply doing something that we felt they should do because we liked it, we did it ourselves, or otherwise? Would we agree with their chosen sport if it differed from our vision?
“Do you ever wonder if we’re doing what we love? Or are we just doing it because you want us to? I know you mean well, and you want us to be successful. But sometimes it feels like there’s a lot of pressure to be perfect. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I hope you’ll remember to be patient with us. We’re still learning and growing, and we need your support.”
Are we supporting our kids or hindering them? I know that we want the best for them, but the crude realization came after my youngest son sat next to me after a practice and I didn’t comment on his performance but simply went out to have a drink and talked about everything else. “This is what I wanted. I know you mean well when you give me all the advice and training, but I missed my DAD, just talking and having fun with my DAD.”
Eye-opening, isn’t it? Not to mention gut-wrenching; at least for me at the stark realization that despite all my best efforts, in some ways, I was still not giving him what he needed at the time.
Surely, I will still help him along the way but my strategy had to change. I needed to meet him where he was and not where I wanted him or thought he should be. It was through this epiphany that I came to understand the intricate balance required to combine all the attributes to be a supportive parent and advocate while allowing for their growth, not only athletic but emotional. I think that success is about the journey and not the destination. In this case, it is not a journey. We are simply the wise sage guiding the hero along his journey of discovery and achievement. The same way Master Yoda led Luke Skywalker (I was going to say Anakin Skywalker but we all know how that ended up!).
Have you ever felt the pressure to push your child to be the best? Do you remember a time when you wished you could slow down and simply enjoy the moment?
We need to lead, as parents, and allow them to develop and find their interests and limitations while still being allowed to be children, adolescents, or young adults. Engage and nurture proper nutritional habits, as well as time management and self-accountability while remaining supportive. We should embrace their curiosity and creativity as they learn to adjust and continue to discover and navigate their talents and limitations. We should focus on creating and cherishing those memories that, if you are a parent, you know are fleeting and will never return. Don’t get me wrong, we are not perfect parents as we have fallen short many times while attempting to do this, but I know that the results will be worth the effort in the end. That is the choice we have to make.
The ball is in our court.
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Gaspar
ACTOS Performance Innovation
Dr. Gaspar A. Rosario is a seasoned healthcare expert with a Doctorate in Health Sciences and over a decade of clinical experience. His certifications in Weight Management, Performance Enhancement, and Exercise Therapy from the ISSA, coupled with his diverse medical background, position him as a trusted authority in the field.