Your Heart vs. The Game

Let's talk about something that hits us all right in the gut: that crushing feeling when the game or competition doesn't go our way. It's not just about losing; it's about that ache in your chest, the questions swirling in your head, and the fear that maybe, just maybe, you're not good enough. It's your heart battling the game, and sometimes, the game wins. But how do we pick ourselves up, mend that ache, and step back onto the field with confidence? Let's dive right in and see how we get over that hump.

 

 

The Social Mantras: Empty Promises in a Moment of Pain

We've all heard those well-meaning phrases: "Just shake it off," "Winners never quit," "Failure is not an option."  We’ve all heard these and although they might be heartfelt and well-meant, In those moments of disappointment when your heart is heavy, these words feel like empty promises.

• "Just shake it off."
  • Like a snow globe, your emotions are stirred and not easily settled. Telling yourself to just shake it off feels like telling a storm to calm down. It dismisses the real, raw feelings you're experiencing.
• "Winners never quit."
  • This one whispers doubts into your ear. Is it quitting, or is it listening to your heart, knowing when to rest, reassess, and come back stronger? Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is pause.
• "Failure is not an option."
  • This one cuts deep. It makes you feel like any stumble is a fatal flaw. But the truth is, failure is a part of the success journey, not the end of it.
    

These mantras, however meant to inspire, often leave us feeling more isolated, more pressured, and less understood.

 

 

A New Approach: Healing Your Heart, Rebuilding Your Confidence

Instead of those old, rigid rules, that up until now might have been ineffective for you, let's change gears and embrace a different and more human approach:

1. Let Your Heart Feel: Don't shove those feelings down. Just like the snow globe, let the tears fall just like the snowflakes settle, let the anger simmer, let the disappointment linger. It's okay to feel it all. Don’t let it overtake you but write it down, talk to a friend, or just sit with your emotions.
   
2. Find the Lesson in the Pain: Every loss, every setback, holds a lesson. As you feel your emotions ask yourself: What can I learn from this? What can I do differently? In doing so, your emotions no longer control you, you do because now you know them and thus you can turn that pain into a steppingstone.
3. Focus on Your Footing: You can't control the outcome, but you can control your effort, your mindset, your preparation. Anchor yourself in those things.
4. Small Steps, Big Victories: Don't try to conquer the world in one leap. Set small, achievable goals that build your confidence back, brick by brick with the lessons learned.
5. Be Your Own Best Friend: We are usually harder on ourselves than we are on others. Talk to yourself with kindness, with understanding. Treat yourself like you'd treat a friend who's hurting. Think about it. You probably wouldn't talk to a friend in the way you talk to yourselves in those situations. 
   

 

 

The Benefits of Healing and Rebuilding

• A Heart That Heals, a Spirit That Soars: You'll learn to navigate the emotional storms and find your inner strength. Why? You have learned who you are and how you can overcome them. You will recover stronger and faster.
• Performance Fueled by Wisdom: Learning from setbacks will sharpen your skills and deepen your understanding of the game.
• Confidence Forged in Fire: Overcoming challenges will forge a confidence that's unbreakable. You are better prepared. As the late great Kobe Bryant would say: “Confidence comes from preparation”. Now you are better prepared.
• A Mind at Peace: Self-compassion and emotional honesty will bring a sense of peace and clarity. You understand that the sword is forged in the fire, and this is part of the process.
• Stronger Human Connections: Understanding your own emotions allows you to better understand and connect with other people or teammates when the situation arises. 
  

 

 

The Challenges of Healing, and How to Face Them

• Challenge: "I feel weak when I admit I'm hurting."
  • Solution: Vulnerability is strength. Acknowledging your feelings takes courage. Find someone you trust or write in a journal.
• Challenge: "I don't know how to learn from my mistakes."
  • Solution: Break it down. What went right? What went wrong? Ask your coach, watch game footage, analyze your performance. This might not be your first impulse, but this will speed up your progress.
• Challenge: "I keep comparing myself to others, and I always come up short."
  • Solution: Your journey is unique. Focus on your own progress. Celebrate your small victories. Social media is a highlight reel, not reality. Your only competition should be with yourself, and your daily challenge is for you to be just a bit better today than what you were yesterday. Focus on progress, not perfection.
• Challenge: "I'm scared to try again, to face that fear of failure."
  • Solution: Start small. Take one step at a time. Courage isn't the absence of fear. Actually, there is no courage without fear. If you’re afraid, then most likely you are doing the right thing needed to move forward.
• Challenge: "It feels like everyone is watching, judging."
  • Solution: Most people are focused on their own lives. Focus on what you can control. Those who judge you, do not matter in the long run. The most important opinion that you should have is the one you have of yourself. 
    

 

 

My Heart's Journey: From Shattered to Stronger

I’ve been there. I remember a time as a young baseball player when my heart felt like it had been shattered. We lost a crucial championship game, and it felt like I had lost a part of myself. I wanted to hide, to disappear. As a father I’ve seen similar incidents with my children when after all their efforts fell a bit short of their goals. 

However, though wounded, we took the time to reflect, heal, earn, and grow. It wasn't easy, but we came back stronger and more resilient not just as an athlete, but as a person. 

 

 

Conclusion: Your Heart, Your Game, Your Comeback

Your heart and the game are intertwined. When the game hurts your heart, it's not the end. It's an invitation to heal, to learn, to grow. It's a chance to discover the strength within you, the resilience that will carry you through any challenge.
Remember, your comeback story is waiting to be written. So, let your heart heal, rebuild your confidence, and step back into the game, ready to play with passion and purpose.

 

How has your heart battled the game? What have you learned from those battles? I hope this helps. Share your stories and tips in our community and check out our other resources to help in your comeback journey.

 

For more tips, check out the ACTOS website and our Coach Like a PRO e-book series. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram and tell us what you think and what you need or would like to hear more about. Until next time!

 

Gaspar

ACTOS Performance Innovation

 

*Dr. Gaspar A. Rosario is a seasoned healthcare expert with a Doctorate in Health Sciences and over a decade of clinical experience. His certifications in Weight Management, Performance Enhancement, and Exercise Therapy from the ISSA, coupled with his diverse medical background, position him as a trusted authority in the field.